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CHIEFLY DEVOTED TO THE INTERESTS OF THE SOCIETY OF FRIENDS.

No. XII.

GLASGOW, 12TH MONTH, 2D, 1850.

REMINISCENCES OF A VISIT TO THE UNITED
STATES, IN THE SUMMER OF 1850.
Written for THE BRITISH FRIend.

(Continued from page 263.)

7th Month 7th, 1850, First-day.-A beautiful morning, very fine and sunny, with a smooth transparent sea-too fine to last, we feared. At half-past ten, the passengers and crew assembled in the saloon, according to usual practice, for the purpose of public worship, which is always done when the weather permits. The doctor officiated, after the manner of the English Establishment, and the scene presented was one truly solemn, and calculated to produce serious reflections. The saloon was quite filled. There must have been above 100 persons present. The officers and crew, including all the sailors, were very tidily dressed, and came in in succession, according to their several ranks, behaving throughout in a very becoming manner. Though I did not unite in all that was said and done, I was glad to witness such an observance of the first day of the week maintained.

VOL. VIII.

ready to overwhelm her, and nothing but a dexterous movement of the helm preserved her from the shock. The storm at last abated. The floating by of a broken mast, probably the remnant of some vessel wrecked in the storm, gave rise to many dismal tales. As we sat round the dull lights of the cabin, which made the gloom appear more ghastly, every one had his tale of shipwreck and disaster. The captain related us a short one, which he had been that day reading, as related by the captain of another vessel. "As I was once sailing," said he, "in a fine stout ship, along the banks of Newfoundland, one of those heavy fogs that prevail in those parts rendered it impossible for us to see far ahead, even in the day-time; but, at night, the weather was so thick that we could not distinguish any object at twice the length of the ship. I kept lights at the mast head, and a constant watch forward, to look out for fishing smacks, which are accustomed to lie at anchor on the banks. The wind was blowing a smacking breeze, and we were going at a great rate through the water. Suddenly, the watch gave the alarm of

were upon her. She was a small schooner, at anchor, with her broadside towards us. The crew were all asleep, and had neglected to hoist a light. We struck her just amidships. The force, the size and weight of our vessel bore her down below the waves; we passed over her, and were hurried on our course. As the crashing wreck was sinking beneath us, I had a glimpse of two or three half-naked wretches rushing from her cabin. They just started from their beds to be swallowed, shrieking, by the waves. I heard their drowning cry mingling with the wind. The blast that bore it to our ears swept us out of all further hearing. I shall never forget that cry! It was some time before we could put the ship about, she was under such headway. We returned, as nearly as we could guess, to the place where the smack had anchored. We cruised about for several hours in the dense fog. We fired signal guns, and listened if we might hear the halloo of any survivors; but all was silent. We never saw or heard anything of them more."

It is remarkable how those engaged about the shipA sail a-head.' It was scarcely uttered before we can foretell the weather, and changes that will take place, hours before they occur. At twelve o'clock, whilst it was yet as bright and lovely as ever, a calm sea, and hardly a cloud to be seen, the first mate predicted a gale, and heavy rain before six o'clock. The wind began to rise very soon, gradually increasing, till the sea was roused into a state of the utmost confusion, and the prediction became fully verified. Determined, for once, at the risk of a good drenching, to witness the terrible conflict of wind and waters which seemed inevitably impending, I located myself in the most secure part of the vessel that would afford me a full view of the elemental strife. It was a tremendous scene; as indescribable as it is inconceivable, without being actually witnessed. Fearful was the sullen sound of rushing waves and broken surges. Deep called unto deep. Howling winds rushed over the wild waste of waters, and were echoed and prolonged by the mountain waves. As the ship staggered and plunged among these roaring caverns, it seemed miraculous that she regained her balance, or preserved her buoyancy. The sails dipped frequently so much, that she seemed as if she would have been buried beneath the waves. Sometimes an impending surge appeared

The recital of tales like this, of those who had been swallowed up amidst the roar of the tempest, and whose bones lay whitening among the caverns of the deep, was not calculated to increase the pleasure of

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our voyage. I retired to my berth, and endeavoured to dissipate their tendency by feeling thankful for the preservation we had ourselves experienced. Scenes like the one we had this day witnessed are, indeed, well calculated to inspire us with exalted views of the grand First Cause, the Ruler of the raging seas, the Regulator of the universe. Truly may it be said, They that go down to the sea in ships, that visit the great waters, they see the glory of the Creator, and his wonders in the deep ;" and they must also feel that they stand specially in need of Divine aid. There is something exceedingly humiliating in beholding the ocean rolling along in all its majesty and awful grandeur. Whilst riding over the mountain waves, the most haughty and powerful of men, every moment in danger of being swallowed up, must, indeed, feel themselves to be but as "the small dust of the balance.'

7th Month, 8th.-A fog which set in last evening had disappeared this morning, which proved beautifully fine and clear; not a cloud to be seen. It was very cold. We are now on the banks of Newfound land, where it is mostly rough, and always cold, even at this season of the year. There are no banks to be seen; but the sca is here of fathomable depth, which is not generally the case, though the greatest depth of the ocean is nowhere supposed to be more than two or three miles. On these banks it is, in many places, not more than thirty to fifty fathoms deep, and abounds with great numbers and varieties of fish. At one time, we were entertained by a sight of several whales, some of which passed close to the ship, disturbing the deep, sporting and rolling along within a few yards of us. They appeared to be gambolling about as if in play, making a loud noise in snorting and spouting up the water from a hole in their forehead. These creatures were of large size, and exceedingly fat and sleek, their skin shining as if varnished.

Feeling rather inclined to be sick, on getting up this morning, I took some oatmeal porridge and milk to breakfast, after a good brisk walk on deck. This is prepared regularly at breakfast-time for those who wish it, and eaten sometimes with milk, and sometimes with treacle. It suits most stomachs better than tea and coffee, with their usual accompaniments of beef steaks, mutton chops, and sausages, or fried ham and eggs, though generally these things may be caten with impunity.

We have a good cow on board, which gives two gallons of milk daily. Since the storm, it has not been quite well, and the quantity is diminished. Still, we have plenty, and of everything else we can desire.

This is the 10th day since we sailed from Liverpool. The wind is quite contrary, and has been so much against us since we set sail, that now, if we have most favourable weather, we must make a long voyage. However, we have much to feel thankful for; and, though the present mode of passing away time is not the most enjoyable, it is very passable. I do not think any of us will regret once more being able to set foot on terra firma.

All our company are very agreeable and sociable, consisting of great variety, of many nations, and divers occupations. We have on board English, French, Germans, Italians, Spaniards, a West Indian, Scotch, Irish, Canadians, New Englanders, with Americans from various parts, Baltimore, New Orleans, Havanna, Mobile, &c. Amongst these are, a lieutenant and a major, and merchants of all descriptions, chiefly Germans, in the fancy trade, laces, &c. &c.

The Germans are great singers, and often, when it is fine, the passengers collect round one or two, who sing for the rest. This is the case, too, in showery weather; when we are prevented walking on the upper

deck; but many prefer availing themselves of the wellselected library we have on board, which contains, besides the light periodicals of the day, many excellent standard works, both English and American. (To be continued.)

REPORT

OF THE COMMITTEE OF THE FRIENDS' READING SOCIETY, TO THE ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING, HEld at joseph gIBBINS's, 18TH OF 10TH MONTH, 1850.-PRESENT, NEARLY ONE HUNDRED

MEMBERS AND FRIENDS.

YOUR committee, as usual, lay before you a Report of their proceedings, during the past year; and though their term of office has not been characterized by the introduction of any new features, they trust it may not have proved one of the least interesting to the members of the Friends' Reading Society.

The use made of the library has been to much the same extent as last year; the number of volumes entered in the register amounting to nearly 900. The books are under examination, and may be reported as in good condition, considering the amount of use to which some of them are subjected. The catalogue has been for some little time out of print, and your committee propose that a new edition should be printed, embodying the several supplements. The subscription commenced at our last meeting for the purchase of the Physical Atlas, was speedily filled up, and the work obtained. It appears to have given general satisfaction. Your committee feel the want (as the library becomes stocked with valuable books of reference) of better accommodation for the books; a room private to the purpose, is desirable, in which members might consult the weighty volumes without being disturbed, but, at present, they see no opening.

The lectures delivered last season were as follows:1. On the English Poets of the eighteenth century, by Edwin Laundy.

2. On the Life and Times of Girolamo Savonarola, by Henry Hargrave.

3. On Animal Chemistry, considered in relation to Food and Respiration, by William Southall, jun.

4 and 5. On the History of the Commerce of Ancient Cities mentioned in the Old Testament, by Wm. Lean. 6. On Photography, by William Pumphrey.

7 and 8. On Civilizing Influences, by John Heath. 9. On Loyola and the Jesuit System, by Wm. Heath. 10. On Coal, by Samuel Lloyd, jun.

11. On the English Poets of the last twenty years of the eighteenth century, by Edwin Laundy.

The attendance was, on the whole, not so large as in previous seasons, though some of the lectures were very numerously attended, and much interest was manifested to the last. It will be recollected, that the lectures much exceeded in number those of previous years-a change that was much wished for by some of our members. Experience leads us to conclude that the previous plan was more suited to the majority. Your committee would, therefore, recommend that the plan of 1848-9 be adopted, in the arrangements for the ensuing winter, it not appearing desirable to inflict a disagreeable penance upon their friends, by bringing them together too frequently on inclement winter evenings. They feel hopeful that the lectures have been beneficial; they certainly have surpassed the most sanguine expectations of their original promoters.

A favourable position in financial matters may be reported. The account of receipts and expenditure will be laid before the meeting as usual.

As the committee of a society the object of which is to promote the use of proper books, it will not be out of place if we address to our junior members a few remarks on the subject of reading. In doing so, we premise that there are very few having access to our

library, who do not, more or less, make use of that privilege. In a previous Report, a good deal was said of the advantages of reading, as that would appear to demand consideration first. We have, therefore, less hesitation in treating the subject in a more specific

manner.

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be fully alive to the great popular movements of the age, almost enough has been said to prove that we shall not be much behind hand in that respect. The scientific man is ever alert for new discoveries; the historian is always observant of the occurrences of the day; and it is thus with the whole round of studies likely to be pursued. Sound knowledge receives its due appreciation at all times, and it will enable us to reap benefit from popular movements, which, without it, would probably mislead us.

If we succeed in inducing our young friends to think about these things, our purpose will be, in some measure, answered. Such a subject can hardly be brought before the mind and carefully considered, without some benefit. It is well worthy of serious consideration, that a foundation of sound knowledge acquired when young, must inevitably have a great after-influence, in whatever condition our lot may be cast. It will be a useful friend to us in prosperity, or a pleasant succour in adversity. The mind is not nearly so liable to re-act upon itself, when it has within itself material to work upon. The laying up a store of knowledge for uses of this sort is, therefore, by no means to be despised.

There is one point of view, the most important of all, in which we have not considered the subject of reading, and that is with regard to books which have a tendency to dispute or to set aside the evidences of revealed religion. The advice contained in the Yearly Meeting's address to its junior members, and also the more elaborated instruction in the tract entitled Thoughts on Books and Reading, are much to the purpose. Both of these our members must have seen. They explain, in a clear and beautiful manner, the true course to follow; and, if they happen to have been laid aside, we recommend their re-perusal. We are too apt to rely upon our own strength in these things; but let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall," and this caution is nowhere more needed than in entering upon an examination of the sophisms of atheism, or of what is much held out at the present time-of pantheism-so tempting in its attractions from the creaturely exaltation which it encourages.

..

There are two kinds of reading, distinct in their character, the extremes of which may serve as illustrations-reading without a fixed object, perhaps for the mere amusement of the hour, or to kill time; and reading methodically, or studying. Studies, says Lord Bacon, in his well-known essay, serve for delight, for ornament, and for ability. Their chief use for delight, is in privateness and retiring; for ornament, is in discourse; and for ability, is in the judgment and disposition of business." Now, if we agree with Lord Baconas who amongst us will not?-it is evident how much more profitable it will be to pursue the latter than the former course. Most likely, many amongst us are in the habit of reading in a very desultory manner; when our business occupations are completed, often picking up whatever books may happen to be lying about. Some of us are, perhaps, in the habit of allowing the periodical literature of the day to engage our whole attention, positively yearning for the first of the month, to get possession of the accompanying serials. Then we change frequently from one subject to another, thinking, it, indeed, we think at all about it, that we shall thereby acquire knowledge upon a variety of subjects. Now, this is but an indifferent manner of occupying time, and will lead to very poor results. We may think that our time for reading is very short, that we have no inclination to pursue any one particular branch of literature or science; or we have no idea that it is necessary to become acquainted with events of merely passing interest. Either of these positions are opposed to continuous efforts in one direction, and the latter requires a considerable acquaintance with newspaper and periodical literature. If reading be worth anything, it is worth pursuing with some degree of method, though it will, undoubtedly, require a little resolution so to do. If we look at the first objection, that our time is so short, it is easy to bring forward instances of persons more unfavourably circumstanced in this respect, but who, by well-directed application, have become emi- To return to the business of the Society, your comnent for learning. It must not be supposed that pur-mittee think it obvious, from some of the preceding suing any distinct subject will confine our knowledge remarks, that a programme drawn up to point out the to a very narrow limit. If we choose any of the adaptation of our library to particular studies, would physical sciences, it will be found that they are all prove useful. It would occupy too much room in a connected; and if much knowledge of any one be document of this sort. We are pretty well supplied acquired, it will not fail to bring, at the same time, a with books in most departments of science and literasubstantial acquaintance with several others. In like ture; but in others, where we are deficient, the addition manner, historical, biographical, and mental studies of standard books would be very desirable. It would are closely connected; and some knowledge of lan- be a suitable subject for the consideration of this meetguages, ancient and modern, will render the pursuit of ing, in what manner such deficiencies could be best these more agreeable and satisfactory. Lastly, natural supplied. The plan that engaged the attention of the sciences, and classical studies, have more in common last annual meeting, for providing books of a character than at first sight may appear. If, on the other hand, suitable for children, might also be re-considered. a person does not think it desirable to attend to any In the performance of this, their last office, your particular subject as a basis, by reading methodically committee resign their trust into your hands. and with attention; above all, by only preferring such Signed on their behalf, books as are of acknowledged merit, whether old or new, he will find no cause to regret paying a little attention to his manner of reading. It is a very great mistake to say of a book, "it is a suitable book, having nothing objectionable in it, and therefore may be read." Not only do many such books do no good, but they positively do harm by their very insufficiency. A healthy appetite requires wholesome food, and is only palled by that which affords no support. It would, therefore, be well that we exercise sound discrimination in the choice of books, or obtain the advice and assistance of some qualified friend. With regard to the third objection, that it is necessary we should

WILLIAM SOUTHALL, Jun.,} Secs.

JOHN HEATH,
BIRMINGHAM, 10th Month, 7th, 1850.

WHEN we are brought into a humbling consideration of the many mercies and favours of which we are unworthy partakers, as the objects of creation, of redemption, and of that bountiful provision which is made for us, we shall find abundant cause frequently to offer that praise by which the Almighty is glorified; and of which He is, with the Son of his love, through the eternal Spirit, for ever worthy.-H. Tuke.

THE BRITISH FRIEND.

SOME ACCOUNT OF THE CONVINCEMENT

OF JOSEPH MILTHORPE.

J. MILTHORPE'S REPLY TO T. WORTHINGTON, THE POPISH PRIEST.
(Continued from page 218.) |

Well, my friend, I will suppose thou dost not
know that the Pope is a monstrous mongrel, bred out
of two decayed dispensations, the one Jewish, the
other Christian, who claims all the profits; all, say I,
yea, more (far beyond any enumeration) than ever
belonged to the Jewish priesthood; and ten thousand
times ten thousand more authority than ever the hum-
ble Jesus did, who is the High Priest of our profession;
and if thou wilt but set the Pope on one hand and
Jesus Christ on the other, and form a true comparison
betwixt them, thou wilt find as much difference be-
twixt them as betwixt a king and a beggar, or a lion
and a lamb. And yet, notwithstanding, thou darest
not deny but that Jesus Christ came to leave us an
example that we should follow his steps, as well as
laws and rules to walk by; but if your head be deaf,
dumb, blind, without smell, taste, or feeling, then
what sort of a body are you? O what a scene opens
to me here! But to come to thy own particular, of
whom I have as good an opinion as any I know of
the Pope's tribe; persuading all thou canst that the
Pope has intrusted thee with a box of his infallible
balm, that will cure all spiritual maladies, of what na-
ture and kind soever, though the disease might deserve
the name of an apostate heretic; but then the infirm
person must be very careful to observe thy directions,
without the least deviation. For instance, when thou
art set in thy easy chair-I will not call it a stately
one, because I do not know of what form Jesus Christ's
chair was made he used to hear confessions in-the
diseased must kneel down at thy feet, and after having
said a confiteor, he must then expose his malady to
thee; otherwise, as thou art a member of the head
above described, thou canst not find it out; and then after
thou hast probed and searched it after thy master's
directions, and formed judgment accordingly, thou
then pullest out the box, and pourest out such wine and
oil as thou hast; and laying a plaster over all, thou
then accurately bindest up the wound, and possessest
the patient with the idea thou hast then cured him at
the first intention, and that thy remedy is not to be
met with in all the world beside, except in the Pope's
grand original wholesale warehouse kept at Rome.

Now, whether what I have related be matter of fact, yea or nay, I appeal to thy own conscience; and lest thou canst no better understand this language than that of baptizing in fire, or how the apostles could go teaching, baptizing, &c., in spirit, unless they went without bodies-though any man that understands not Popish religion might, with the same reason and good sense, ask what Papists do with their bodies, whilst they go to worship neither at Jerusalem nor at the Mount of Samaria, but, as they have long pretended, to the place where true worship only is performed as I would not be misunderstood, I shall endeavour to explain myself in terms more intelligible to thy capacity. For instance, the sincere mind or the hypocrite (for I am persuaded thou dost administer thy remedy to both kinds), prostrate near thy chair, must be regular in the form of proceeding; he must sign himself with the sign of the cross when he craves thy blessing. And then, again, when he receives it in nomine Patris, &c., he must discreetly repeat the general confession (Í suppose this is a matter of as great moment in your confession courts as forms of pleading in our common law courts), because, if the penitent be incapable of learning the form of general confession without book,

• Viz., in spirit and in truth.

12th Month, 1850.

or conscious it is of no signification (I know a living witness of both these kinds), although thou art judge of the court thyself, yet, rather than that the form should be irregular, thou wilt, for a time, make thyself criminal honestly declaring to the "blessed Virgin the criminal, and repeat the confiteor for him, the Mary," to the "archangel Michael," to "holy John the Baptist," to the apostles Peter and Paul, and all the saints (what, I am persuaded, is no pleasure to them thee, but also thyself, have grievously offended to hear in formality), that not only the penitent before Almighty God, in thought, word, and deed; through your fault, through your fault, through your most grievous fault." The further use of this general confession will appear afterwards. But I suppose it would be more agreeable to the Almighty to see mankind cease from offending him than to hear them daily, as it were, upbraiding him to his face with their " grievous faults, amendment. I presume thou wilt not deny but there and little or none concerned for are instances of this kind under thy cognizance. But to return.

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all the sins he is willing thou shouldest know, or all The penitent must then proceed to declare either the sins the witness in his conscience has made known to him, be it whether way soever; I suppose, by what I know, thy answer is, "God Almighty receive your holy confession, my child;" and after having given the penitent (so called) the best advice thou art capable of, respecting the nature of his sins, or, rather, of his confession, thou then biddest him, for that instant, endeavour to be heartily sorry for these-join all the sins of his life past-and prepare himself for absolution. A sudden sorrow! a sudden preparation, and as sudden a remedy! but if thou knewest what true sanctification and redemption are, I am bold to say thou wouldest find it is not so easily and readily attained.

the Pope, addressest the Almighty in a Latin form, Sitting still in thy easy chair, thou then, to please either because that language is most in use at Rome, or that the Almighty doth not understand English; or that the penitent may not know what thou sayest, lest he should receive some benefit by joining with thee. Then turning toward the penitent, and casting thy hand over him, forming the sign of the cross towards him, thou then declarest him absolved from the sins confessed, and all the sins of his life past, in nomine Patris, &c.

sioned by the penitent's most grievous fault, in thought, Now, here is a plaster as broad as the wound, occaword, and deed.

sins of his life past, of what nature and kind soever, Well, the penitent being now washed from all the is now fitted to come to the Lord's Table," and to receive the "body and blood of Christ," which is conceived in thy repository; yet not created, made alive, or born into the world. This great work is not to be done till all the penitents are present, perhaps that they may receive it new in the priest's kingdom, holy hand. as it comes from its mother's womb, or the midwife's withstanding the penitent is thoroughly sanctified, as I say, holy hand; because that, notaforesaid, yet neither his hand nor his teeth must touch it; but he that made it must stuff it down the penitent's throat, that it may go straightway into the draught, and consequently to the dunghill—a place suitable enough for a man-made god. Again,

seat, suppose I had come to thee, and, after the geneWhen thou art set in thy easy chair, or judgmentral form of confession, had told thee that God Almighty, by his good Spirit, or grace in my heart, had manifested himself to me, and, by an evidence suitable to the Divine Majesty, had convinced me that the way of worship I was in was offensive unto him, and

that he required no other rite or ceremonial worship of me than to give him possession of my heart; for it is there he would rule, there he would reign, and there he would be worshipped in spirit and in truth. Who can conceive what answer thou wouldest have then made? O what questioning would there have been with thy carnal wisdom! and whether my revelation was sensual, imaginary, or intellectual; and I doubt not but a great many questions and instances thou wouldest have produced out of Popish authors, and am persuaded have done much more than I can conceive, to have rendered my revelation ridiculous, to have jostled me out of a belief of it, and obedience to it, and to have retained me in obedience to the Church of Rome.

This, I am persuaded, is thy chief view in so eagerly pressing me to lay the affair openly before thee; but for my refusing to comply with thy request, and for not submitting this affair to thy judgment, any more than the apostle Paul did to the high priest of the Jews, let us consider the advice I have received from thee on such affairs respecting spirituality as I have hitherto communicated unto thee.

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Thou mayest perhaps remember that, in my particular confession, I frequently complained of being overcome by many vain, rash, or inconsiderate words, which, in the cool of the day, brought trouble of mind upon me; in answer to which thou usedst to tell me I ought not to be too much troubled at such things, declaring them to be infirmities of nature, which all mankind are, more or less, in one respect or other, liable to; and that there is no such thing as attaining to perfection on this side the grave; adding, moreover, that the just man falls or sins seven times a day, and that Jesus Christ died to save sinners; and that I might obtain the merits of our Saviour's passion; and for my holy penance and satisfaction, thou used to bid me say a few Ave Marias, a Paternoster or two, and sometimes five, perhaps one creed, and sometimes the Litany of our blessed lady;" any of which I am not conscious I ever neglected, believing them to be of such moment as that the remission of sins depended on them. Yet, notwithstanding that I did all this, and also performed the discipline of my order, viz., the rosary, this spirit of anger, and sometimes lightness of mind, which caused such words as gave me the uneasiness aforesaid, and was to me matter of fresh complaint, and finding no other relief from thee than telling me that our sins, once confessed and absolved, were never more to give us any uneasiness; and that if the enemy of souls was to raise any disputes in the mind about remission of sins in the church, viz., priestly absolution, he was to be turned from, and no ear lent to him; but at that season our minds should be diligently applied to saying our prayers, reading some good book (yet never the Holy Scriptures), or to meditating on some part of our Saviour's passion, which I frequently practised; but yet, this reprover of sin and iniquity would not be removed into a corner; for whose loving-kindness, long-suffering, and gracious condescension, O may my soul never be ungrateful!

I then considered in myself that this good old man (meaning thyself), being of a better natural disposition than I am, he knows not the heinousness of my case,

O blasphemous and pernicious doctrines! to represent or call the principle of condemnation (or the Holy Spirit of Truth, whose first work is to reprove the world of sin, and afterwards to lead the soul into all truth) the devil or enemy of souls; which the Popish priests always do when any one distrusts their authority to absolve sinners; or, indeed, if a person dispute any tenet of their church, they forthwith conclude that to be an insinuation of the evil one; and lest any one's understanding should be opened by that Holy Spirit which gave forth the Scriptures, they forbid their hearers the reading of them. O that the sincere amongst them would lay this to heart!

and, therefore, gives me too easy a penance. I then
concluded I would be more strict in my fasts and more
frequent in my prayers, which thou told me I might
say at any time, when alone, either at my business or
upon the road. This means I tried for some years,
to no purpose; although, in the meanwhile, by dis-
couraging the evidence, he left me at times, and then
all was well enough, then I was strong for the good
old way, the true church; it was then the true church
or no salvation; I was then enabled to withstand all
gainsayers, and wrote many large papers for my own
satisfaction, which I have yet beside me; but, through
mercy, the Refiner returned again with his fire, his
flaming sword turned every way against me, to guard
the tree of life, made deep wounds in my conscience,
and caused me heavily to mourn for the Physician,
whom I knew not where to find; the want of whom at
times brought me under solid consideration, and the
more I endeavoured to avoid or to shun this fire which
I felt in my breast, the stronger it flamed against me.
I then thought I prayed not so fervently as I ought,
and this I acknowledged in my confession to thee;
thou then told me distractions would sometimes hap-
pen in the time of prayer to the best of men, and
gave me instances from those thou callest doctors
and fathers of the church. I still could not be easy
whenever my passions and natural dispositions pre-
vailed, and caused me to do things, though, I think,
mostly to speak words, which I would not do when cool.
The Lord, who knows my sincerity in writing this,
also knows I often cried to him in words which arose
in my mind from the circumstances of my case; and
as this concern often awakened me from my sleep on
my bed, so I have at times arisen from my bed to pour
out my heart to the Lord in such poor manner as I
could, though I then knew not the Lord. My cry for
victory over my passions not yet being answered, then
it came into my mind that I did not wait for a return of
my prayers as I ought; this I also added to my con-
fession paper; for at that day I kept a paper on which
I made remarks of my sins, as they appeared to view
in my examination, though it was in such characters
as none could read but myself, and, I think, I made
not a confession, perhaps, for some years, but I had
these words in it, viz., I have not waited for a return
of my prayers as I ought; to which I do not remember
thou ever made me any answer; and alas for thee,
poor man, no wonder thou didst not, for this was not
only out of thy practice, but of all the tribes of the
Pope's confessors, though, at that day, I knew no
other but that thou wast capable of teaching me any-
thing that pertained to what I wanted, viz., the peace
of God.

For a person to wait upon God, under a real sense of want of him, might be very pernicious to the Pope's society, because "they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up on high as eagles ;" and, consequently, above all the doctrines and teachings of men that know not God.

Now, instead of teaching me to say prayers, and to read books written by men as ignorant of the work of God as thyself, and if, instead of teaching me sin was not to be overcome in this world, that it is common to all men, and that Jesus Christ hath appointed no other way for remission of sins than by confession, penance, and priestly absolution; I say, if thou couldest have taught me that this same Divine Light which let me see my sins, is the same that lighteth every one that cometh into the world; that it is the Spirit of truth which was to reprove the world of sin, and that if I did but nourish, cherish, and submit to its judgments, it would burn in my breast till it had consumed everything in me of a contrary nature to itself; and that, although the enemy at times would endeavour to persuade me

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