1718

THE LVITH YEAR OF MY LIFE.

12 d. XII m. [February.] 1717 [−18.] Wednesday. Entring this Day upon the unexpected as well as undeserved fiftysixth Year, and I really beleeve, the last, of my Life, I sett apart the Day for Devotions, with Fasting, before the Lord.

It was with me a Time full of most bitter Contritions and Confusions, in a Review of the Sins, which my wretched Life has been filled withal: and unspeakable Agonies in the Flights I made unto the infinite Mercy of God, and infinite Merit in the Sacrifice of my SAVIOUR, for a Pardon: and importunate Supplications for the Grace to be a more diligent Servant of the Lord and of His People, in the small Remainder of Time that may be yett allow'd me.

But these were follow'd with my Thanksgivings to the glorious Lord, for His many and marvellous Favours to me, all my Dayes until this very Day; and for those Wonders of Goodness, which at this day I am surrounded withal.

I made the best Preparations I could this Day, on more Accounts than one, for my dying Hour.

G. D. I hope, I putt my Parent in the best Way, to provide well, for my widow Sister and her Orphan.

So dead am I grown to this World, and so willing to disappear unto it, and so dispos'd wholly to be swallow'd up in God; that among other Effects of this Frame, I am inclined wholly to destroy all these Memorials of my Life, and proceed no further in Writing of them. As I am determined, that I will never have my Picture drawn; and I repent, that I have heretofore satt for some Draughts of it;

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So I would go on in daily Projections to do good, but am content that they be observed and remembred by the glorious God alone.

But when I consider, that my writing down of my GOOD DEVISED, Contributes unto the more effectual Execution of my Purposes, and that it is possible, my Son may learn how to do good, from the Things that are suggested in his poor Father's Memorials, I am inclined still to do, as I use to do.

13. G. D. One of the best Things that can be done for my poor Countrey is, to extinguish as far as tis possible, that cursed, and senseless Party-Spirit, which is now among us, in a most abominable Operation. Lett me contrive to do all that I or others can towards the Extinction of so comprehensive a Mischief.

I procure an Interview with a Number of the Assembly this Evening on that Intention.

14. G. D. A Method for introducing the Gospel, into miserable Tiverton, I have now brought into its Operation. It may produce no little Travel and Labour to me, in the Prosecution of it, But

15. G. D. A poor young Man of the Neighbourhood in danger of Distruction calls for my Consideration.

* 16. G. D. In working about my own Salvation, my Work must be, to gett my Soul cured of all the Maladies, which by my Departure from God, I am fallen into. The Blessings of an healed Soul, not only fitt me for, and bring me to, the Blessedness of the heavenly World, but also are the very Blessedness. I would therefore successively consider the several Maladies of my Soul, and what is lacking in the divine Image, which is begun to be restored in it. And so enquire after the Methods of a Cure for them.

The first of my Maladies, which I do this Morning take notice of, is; My Barrenness in regard of those exquisite Inventions, which Wisdome would find out, for the Service of GOD in all my several Relations, and particularly for an

Improvement of Piety in my own Heart and Life. I am strangely dull, stupid, senseless when I come to consider the Quæstion, What shall I do for God? I bewayle this Distemper before the Lord; I look up to my Saviour, as the Lord my Healer; I resolve to compel my mind unto close Thinking on the noble Quæstion, and at the same Time, resign my Mind unto the Conduct of Him, without whom I am not sufficient for so much as one good Thought, or for any thing in the World.

17. G. D. The Widows of the Flock are numerous; They make about a fifth Part of our Communicants. A Sermon full of Counsils and Comforts, unto that part of the Flock, is what I am now giving to them. And, I hope, God will also enable me to publish it, that it may be lodged with them.

18. G. D. Among my Returns of Gratitude and Obedience unto Heaven, for the Restoration of my invaluable Consort, I would use an effectual Care, that all our domestic Business be over before the Satureday Evening, and that the whole Evening be devoted unto Exercises of Piety, with more Care than ever yett has been used with us.

19. G. D. I would invite my afflicted Brother-in-law, Mr. Walter, (who has been a year laid by from his public Preaching,) that he would come and sojourn some Weeks at my House, to be under the Cure of some Physicians in my Neighbourhood.

20. G. D. I am this Day writing Letters to the EastIndies, in my Correspondence with the Danish Missionaries at Malabar. And I project the Proposal of several Things unto them, which may be of the greatest Consequence.

21. G. D. I have Opportunity to do another Service, by the Instrumentality of some in our Neighbourhood.

On the Lord's-Day, I preached a Sermon unto the WIDOWS of the Flock. It proved so acceptable to them, that a Number of them join to bear the Expence of the

Publication. I hope it will prove a sensible Service to the Cause of Piety, among the many Widows in Israel, who are greatly multiplied, and exposed unto grievous Temptations.

(I.) I give it unto them, and unto their Tribe throughout the Countrey, under this Title: MARAH spoken to. An Essay to do Good unto the Widow; Dispensing those Lessons of Piety which are the Portion assigned for the Widow, in the House and Word of God.1

22. G. D. A poor Family, under long Affliction by Sickness, calls for my Consideration.

22 d. 12 m. Satureday. This Day I sett apart, for Prayer with Fasting, as I use to do, in my Approaches to the holy Table.

I exceedingly humbled myself before the Lord, for the manifold Wickedness of my Heart and Life. And I made a fresh Flight unto the pardoning Mercy of God, and the atoning Sacrifice of my Saviour. Not without Hope, that my Transgression is forgiven, and my Sin is covered; and that I have a Token of my being released from the Sentence of Death upon me, in my Living unto God.

There were many special Matters of Supplication this day carried unto the Lord.

Especially, a Smile of GOD upon what is doing for Him at Glaucha, and at Malabar.

*

23. G. D. Sloth, wicked Sloth, cursed Sloth, is the Distemper, which I cannot but in the first Place think upon, when I come to consider the Maladies of my Soul. Have I found thee, O mine Enemy! There does not a Day pass over me, but I ly down mourning at Night for the Mischiefs that I have suffered from this hateful Enemy.

But what shall be done for the Cure of this evil Disease! First with a repenting Soul, I fly to my SAVIOUR, and with Faith and Hope, all the Ardours of the greatest Importunacy I cry unto Him, that He would be my Healer.

1 Printed by T. Crump, and contains a preface by Increase Mather.

And then, I will consider with as powerful and impressive Thoughts as I can, those Things, which may animate my Diligence. Particularly read Mr. Baxter, what he writes. upon Idleness, in his, Christian Directory.

24. G. D. I will take a Catalogue of such as are now, to be invited into our Communion as prepared for it; (that so our Losses may be recruited :) and both publickly and privately pursue the Invitation.

25. G. D. I would in family Sacrifices, make a very thankful Acknowledgment of the divine Goodness and Mercy, which has restored my Consort unto me. But I would particularly propose, that all the Ministers in the City, meet at my House, to give Thanks with me, and then to taste the Bread of my Table: or, some way assist me in my Thanksgivings.

26. G. D. Our Church now pursuing a strong Motion, towards the Inviting of my Kinsman T. W[alter] unto the Assistence and Succession of the Ministry here, I have opening to me, a thousand Occasions of being useful to him.

27. G. D. Supplications for the Public, are one way of my being serviceable unto it; with Admonition unto my Flock how to manage their Supplications.

This Day, being a Day of Prayer thro' the Province, it gives me an Opportunity for them.

28. G. D. There is extreme Danger of Boston going into much Temptation, and Contention, and Confusion. The Ministers of the Town must be seasonably advertised of the Danger.

March. 1. G. D. An hopeful Youth, who is a poor Orphan, at the Colledge, I must subscribe, and procure Subscriptions, for to subsist him there.

*2. G. D. Another Distemper, which troubles my Soul, is that of, sudden Anger.

Now for the Cure of this Malady, and that I may grow in the Wisdome of Meekness I would, first, make my Flight