1709 THE XLVIITH YEAR He that has God on his side, does all things, with Ease. A saying of one of the Greek Poets. Castitas periclitatur in Delicijs, Humilitas in Divitijs Pietas in Negotijs, Veritas in Multiloquio, Charitas in hoc mundo. Bern. Somnium narrare, vigilantis est, et vitia sua confiteri, sanitatis indicium est. Sen.1 1 12 d. 12 m. [February.] 1708. Satureday. Tis amazing, tis amazing, that such a feeble, and such a fruitless, and such a sinful Thing as I am, should be still continued in the World! I am gott thro' that Year, which for many Years I imagined would at the furthest be the Year of my Death. However, O my Soul, do not fall asleep now; be not secure for the Year that is coming on. This Day I sett apart for the Exercises of a Thanksgiving, unto the Lord. I employ'd it in Exercises proper for such a Day; which having often occurr'd in the mean Story of my Life, there is no Need of now repeating the Mention of them. The more special Endeavour of this Day was to give Thanks unto the Lord, and acknowledge the Triumphs of sovereign Grace in it; for His using me in what Services to the evangelical Interests, I have had Opportunity to pursue, in my Life hitherto; and this notwithstanding my being 1 Epist. Mor. Lib. vi. Ep. i. 153. [I] III P so foolish and shallow a Creature, as not He only, but His People also know me to be, and so filthy a Creature as tis known to Him that I am. The Affairs wherein I may be concerned for the next Year, I now also did committ unto the L[or]d. About this Time, a small Accident befel me which look'd like a very particular Answer of Prayer. Tho' I am furnished with a very great Library yett seeing a Library of a late Minister in the Town to be sold, and a certain Collection of Books there, which had it may be above six hundred single Sermons in them; I could not forbear wishing myself made able to compass such a Treasure. I could not forbear mentioning my Wishes in my Prayers before the Lord; that in case it might be a Service to His Interests, or to me in serving His Interests, He would enable me in His good Providence, to purchase the Treasure now before me. But I left the Matter before Him, with the profoundest Resignation willing to be without every Thing that He should not order for me. Behold, a Gentleman, who a year ago treated me very ill; but I cheerfully forgave him! carried me home to dine with him; and upon an accidental Mention of the Library aforesaid, he, to my Surprize, compelled me to accept of him a Summ of Money, which enabled me to come at what I had been desirous of. 15 d. 12 m. Tuesday. This Day, the Reforming Societies mett all together, and kept it as a Day of Prayer. To bewayl our Unfruitfulness; and obtain Pardon thro' the Blood of Jesus, with Grace and Strength, to bring forth more Fruit. It was a good Day. The Lord helped me to carry on the Exercises of the Afternoon. I preached near two Hours; a Sermon about Good Works. 4 d. 1 m. [March.] Friday. I sett apart this Day, for the Duties wherewith a Day of Prayer and Fasting is to be carried on. There was nothing very remarkable, either in the Occasions, or in the Exercises of the Day. But there is one Thing, which I desire to take Notice of. My Life has been strangely filled with Temptations. But I have been lately Tempted with a new Assault from Hell, violently made upon me. I am assaulted with Sollicitations to look upon the whole Christian Religion, as-(I dare not mention, what!) Wherefore, I now cried unto the Lord, for the Quenching of these fiery Darts; and for my Præservation from the least Approach towards that Blasphemy which would be the unpardonable Sin. And I earnestly professed before the Lord, my Resolutions, that I will adore His Glorious Christ, as the Son of God, and employ my Life in diligent, exquisite, rapturous Endeavours, to serve Him unto the uttermost. As for the dark Things that occurr, in His Providence; and the unaccountable Proceedings of that glorious One, in His Government of His Church, and His Permission of ill Things to be suffered, yea, and which is worse, to be done, by His own most faithful Servants; and His Permission of Evil Spirits, to do astonishing Things for a considerable While, in the Countenancing and Encouraging of Christianity. I did resolve humbly to rely upon his unsearchable Wisdome; and make it part of my Homage unto Him, to beleeve Him wise and just and good, and confess myself unable to judge of His Dispensations, but refer all unto a Time, when He shall please to entertain His People in another World, with a Discovery of what He has done and meant, in His former Dealings with the World. For, what He does, tho' I know not now, I shall know hereafter. I found a wonderful Peace, in being thus resolved. I found this Faith, to be my best Wisdome. The Damp which there began to grow upon my Piety and Usefulness, vanished. The Flame revived; and I went on with Joy in my usual Methods of a flaming Zeal, to do good abundantly. |