1774.] DIARY. $19 Sunday, January 30.-All last week my time has been consumed in fruitless attempts to conquer vain thoughts. I have had much time alone, which I endeavoured to spend in meditation, reading, and prayer. One evening I attempted to write something for the benefit of a backslider, which brought my own backslidings to remembrance, and filled me with apprehensions about my state. In the night I lay some hours awake, and got a sight of the holiness and purity of God, and of my own unholy life. I saw myself as an unclean thing in his sight, utterly unfit to partake of the pure and holy life to which I aspired in the world to come:-towards morning these words, "Deny thyself, take up your cross and follow me," came forcibly upon my mind; I saw that I had not obeyed this command. I got up and besought the Lord for power and strength to obey him, and obtained liberty to plead for mercy to pardon, and grace to help in time of need. I was desirous to hear what the Lord would say to me from the pulpit. The Psalm first given out was the lxxxv. 8. I'll hear what God the Lord will speak : Return to foolishness. The sermon, Ezek. xxxvi. 31. "Then shall ye remember your own evil ways, and your doings that were not good, and shall loathe yourselves in your own sight for your iniquities and for your abominations." Both were suited to my case. The afternoon's sermon also came home to my heart. I found it good to be there. This evening my frame has been dull; I attempted to instruct a child and pray with her, but to little purpose. I have cause to bewail my negligence in my family; in all things I come short. God be merciful to me a sinner! Monday, January 31.-This day Lady Maxwell and I agreed to set apart an hour or two every Friday forenoon, to pray for a revival of religion in our souls, and in the souls of the Lord's people, and that he would pour out the influences of the Holy Spirit on the church in general; and that we should ask others to join in doing the same. March 5.-For some time past I have had many ups and downs; sometimes rejoicing in hope, at other times cast down through the prevalence of sloth, and carelessness, and a carnal spirit, which leads me to waste precious time, and opportunities of seeking intercourse with God. For some time past I have been much engaged with some who lately appear to be under serious impressions; my desire to help them forward has been inordinate; they are become a temptation to me; I have forgotten that it is the Lord's work, not mine. On Wednesday last I went to see a dying person, who was awakened only a fortnight ago. She said, "When I lay down on this bed I was a polluted miserable sinner, but now I hope I am pardoned and redeemed. I cannot find words to express the joy I feel in the view of the glory I believe I am about to enjoy." She longed to depart and to be with Christ, but said she waited patiently God's time. She seemed to enjoy a full assurance of hope, and a clear view of the glory of Christ in the redemption of sinners. was afraid of returning again to the world, and longed to depart. She was twenty-one years of age. 1774.] DIARY. 321 Sunday, March 20.-I have this day been at the Lord's table. My heart was dead and wandering, yet I was enabled to believe on him as the bread of life, and to receive the elements with calm composure of spirit, in the full persuasion that his body was broken for me, and his blood shed for the remission of my sins. Friday, March 25.-I was much distressed all this morning with confusion of thought, and inattention in hearing the word. like a door on its Sometimes I fear The Lord's dealings with me are mysterious. Sometimes he seems to withhold support from me in duty, either by laying sickness on my body, or withdrawing the influences of his Spirit, when I would perform them. I am permitted to help others, while my own soul is left a barren desert, as if I was only an instrument to be thrown aside when the work is done. I have many misgivings of mind about my state, yet no power to wrestle with God for a better one; hinges, I move, yet get no farther on. he has taken his Spirit from me as not improving the grace bestowed. I am tempted and harassed by vain thoughts, and can get little comfort from the promises, or from any other source; the only thing which yields me any consolation is, to see the work of grace going on in others. They are increasing, whilst I am decreasing; but if the Lord be glorified thereby, I will rejoice, and do rejoice. Let him do with me what seemeth good in his sight. a punishment for Sunday, April 3.-For some days past I have been indisposed in body, but more so in mind. Yesterday these words came to my mind, Isaiah xli. 17. "When the poor and the needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the Lord will hear X them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them." I saw they were applicable to my case; but being in company, could not at that time retire for prayer. This day, being confined from public worship, I got an opportunity to pour out my complaint before the Lord with many cries and tears, and was enabled to commit my body, soul, and spirit, with all my burdens, to the Lord. I had no manifestation of his divine presence, or particular assurance of my prayer being heard; but I have a comfortable hope that it was the Lord who enabled me to pray, and that the needy shall not always be forgotten; the expectation of the poor shall not perish for ever. I have had some comfort in reading the first epistle of John: I can apply the marks given of the children of God, and think I do keep the two great commandments, of believing on the Lord Jesus Christ, and loving the brethren: at least, if I trust not on him for salvation, I know not on what I trust; and if I love not his disciples, I love no other creature. I desire to say with David, "Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee !" On Thursday, the 5th of May, Lady Glenorchy writes thus in a note to her friend Lady Maxwell: "I hope you will remember to unite with me to-morrow in seeking the Lord's blessing and countenance on the house to be opened next Lord's day in his name, and do not forget one that stands much in need of your prayers for wisdom and direction, and other spiritual blessings. The strong are called upon to bear with the weak, to comfort the feeble-minded, and to strengthen them. You now have an opportunity of doing this for me, for I am weak, feeble-minded, dis 323 1774.] LETTER TO THE MODERATOR OF tressed, perplexed, and tossed about with many fears, and not comforted." Lady Glenorchy's chapel in Edinburgh is a plain but substantial stone building, commodiously fitted up to hold two thousand people, and when very crowded may hold more. Its situation is unfavourable with respect to access, being at the east end of the deep hollow which separates the Old Town from the New Town. It may be seen from the North Bridge, contiguous to the College Church and the Trinity and Orphan Hospitals. When the building was nearly completed, as Lady Glenorchy had intended that her chapel should be in full communion with the Established Church, she wrote to the Presbytery of Edinburgh in the following terms: To the Rev. the Moderator of the Presbytery of Edinburgh. "Rev. Sir,-It is a general complaint, that the churches of this city that belong to the Establishment are not proportionate to the number of its inhabitants. Many who are willing to pay rent for seats, cannot obtain them; and no space is left open for the poor, but the remoter areas, where few of those who find room to stand, can get within hearing of an ordinary voice. I have thought it my duty, to employ part of that substance with which God has been pleased to intrust me, in building a chapel within the Orphan-house park, in which a considerable number of our communion, who at present are altogether unprovided, may enjoy the comfort and benefit of the same ordinances that are dispensed in their parish churches; and where |