Yett I sett apart this Day for the like Devotions in my Study. And this for these

I. Causes of Humiliation.

My old Sins, never to bee forgotten with my mourning Soul.

My late Falls into old Sins, in regard whereof my broken Vowes give mee broken Bonds.

My great Unsteadiness, in observing and performing, my Resolutions.

II. Matters of Supplication.

That the Lord would bee reconciled unto mee.

That the Lord Jesus Christ, by taking my Heart into His own Hands, would save mee from all my Sins.

That I might have the Presence of God with mee, in His Work; and bee favoured in my Utterance, Acceptance, and Success.

That I may bee comfortably carried thro' the Concerns of my Commencement, the next week.

That, my Life may bee spared and I may find God helping of mee, to do some special Services for His Name.

That my Father and his Family and our Assembly may bee blessed with all suitable Mercies.

That this poor Land may bee refreshed with the wanted Showers of Heaven, and bee in all Respects healed and saved.

This Day, I was melted into Tears, when putting my greatest Interests into the Hands of the Lord Jesus Christ, and saying,

Lord, My Soul is full of Wants and Woes; but into thy Hands I putt it. Oh! Thou Mighty Saviour, bee thou the compleat Saviour of my Soul. Yea, I know thou wilt bee so. Never, never, never any Soul miscarried, that was in thy Hands. I shall not bee the First. I shall feel and find Thee saving of mee, and giving mee blessed Earnests of an Inheritance among the Saints in Light. Oh, my Lord;

my Soul can live upon Thee; tho' all my other holds do fail mee, as I am willing they should, yett I can live upon thee. I shall serve Thee a while in this World, and I will want all the Dayes of my appointed Time, till my change do come. Then shall I walk thro' the very Valley of the Shadow of Death, fearing no Evil, because my Soul does live upon thee. Tho' I am a vile Sinner, yett thy Mercy will in mee bee glorified!"

9 d. 6 m. This Day, I took my second Degree, proceeding Master of Arts.

My Father was Præsident, so that from his Hand I received my Degree.

Tis when I am gott almost half, a year, beyond Eighteen, in my Age.

And all the Circumstances of my Commencement, were ordered by a very sensibly kind Providence of God.

My Thesis was, Puncta Hebraica sunt Originis Divinæ. 23 d. 6 m. In secret Prayer before the Lord, my Heart was much moved, when I uttered these Passages.

'Ah, Lord! My Soul desires Thee. I have sometimes fallen into Sin, but my Soul hates it, and has groaned under its own Slavery by reason of it. But as for Thee, Lord, my Soul does love thee; I choose thee, for my best Good and my last End. Lett mee enjoy Thee, and engage Thou for my Good. Especially, fill my Soul with Grace; lett thy Spirit, even bee poured out upon mee; and improve mee in special Services for thy Name. I beleeve it will bee so!" 3 d. 7 m. [September.] This Day I again spent in secret Humiliations and Supplications before the Lord.

Matters of Humiliation, were,

My old and new Sins.

My exceeding Want of Grace.

And my wonderful Unprofitableness in every Relation. Matters of Supplication, were,

That God would bee reconciled unto mee; and that the

Mediation of the Lord Jesus Christ, might rescue mee from the Dangers whereto my Sins exposed mee.

That I may bee directed, assisted, supplied, in all the Concerns of my Ministry.

And, that Blessings might [be] dispensed on all those Persons or Peoples which I ought more particularly, to bring unto the Lord.

The Lord helped mee, in the morning of this Day, to bewayl my own Vileness, before Him, with many Tears, and with much Abasement, and Confusion of Spirit.

When I came to seek Reconciliation, the Lord putt Arguments into my Mouth; I pleaded, Jer. 3. 12 and at last, I concluded,

"Lord, What wilt thou have mee to do? Am I to confess my Sin? I have done it; Oh! do thou now forgive the Iniquity thereof. Am I to renounce my Sin? I do so, I do it; it is an evil, bitter, hateful Thing unto mee. Thou art my only Portion. I declare, I protest, Thou shalt bee so; What have I any more to do with Idols? Am I to go unto the Lord Jesus Christ? He only can make Satisfaction for my Sins, and purchase my Reconciliation. To Him I would go. Lord, Help mee; for tho' I hear Him calling, look and bee saved! and come and have Rest! Yett, except the Father draw mee, I cannot look, I cannot come. Well, In thy Strength, I do it. Oh! behold what that blessed Highpriest has done and suffered, as done and suffered in my Stead. Oh! Lett mee bee accepted in the Beloved. And what will my Lord now say unto my Soul! Wilt thou say unto mee, thy Faith hath saved thee! Wilt thou say unto mee, thy Sins are forgiven thee! Wilt thou say unto mee, In my Son I am well-pleased with thee! Oh! I know not what to do. I cannot, I cannot live under thy Wrath. Dearest Lord; if thou wilt not refresh my Soul, with immediate Intimations of thy being reconciled unto mee, yett I will catch hold of the Lord Jesus Christ, and cleave

to Him, while I have a Day to live, while I have any Being!"

Afterwards, on this Day, I found my Soul somewhat comforted, when I thus addressed the Lord Jesus Christ.

Lord, in thee, there does all Fulness dwell. I want no Part of Salvation, to which Thou art not able to help mee; and Thou knowest what Part I most want. Thou knowest the Pollution of my Soul, the Blindness of my Mind, the Hardness of my Heart, its Wandrings, and Wantonness, and Pride, and woful Indispositions, and the grievous Temptations whereto I may be exposed. Oh! I putt my self into thy Hands: I beseech Thee to take the Care of mee, and fulfil in mee, and for mee, the good Pleasure of thy Goodness!"

But I earnestly sought unto the Lord, that before the Day were done, Hee would manifest of His Love unto mee, with some yett more effectual Intimations.

And behold! Immediately after this, as I was then sitting in my Chair, the Lord brought unto mee that Scripture, in Joh. 14. 23. Jesus said, If a man love mee, Hee will keep my Words, and my Father will love Him, and wee will come to him, and make our Abode with him. My Heart was even dissolved upon the Reading of these Words. I said, Oh! I feel! I feel! I feel! I love the Lord Jesus Christ; I love Him dearly, I love Him greatly, yea, I love Him above all. And what? Will God love mee, and will my Lord come to dwell with mee? Oh! Joy unspeakable and full of glory!

At last, I concluded the Day, with Assurances that, my Advocate, the Lord Jesus Christ, had procured the Acceptance of my Petitions in the Court of Heaven.

"And now, Lord, wilt thou give mee (said I) one Glimpse of thy Love before I go? What shall thy Spirit say unto my Soul? Dost thou love mee; Yea, or No? Well, my Dear, Dear, Dear Lord; Thou dost love mee so that I shall bee a Monument, exhibiting thy Grace forever and ever. Oh!

What Love, what Love, what Love is this! That I who have been so polluted, and so unworthy, should bee loved by the great God! Lord, Thy Love will comfort, support, and make happy forever. Now, Oh! that I could praise Thy Name, and love Thee again, as thou art worthy that I should, with all my Heart." 1

19 d. 7 m. This Morning, I began a Custome, which I found many wayes Advantageous to mee.

My rising Thoughts, in the Morning, I chose to fix upon some Scripture, but sometimes upon some Quæstion, which might bee of some special Consequence to my everlasting Interests. I judged, that my morning Thoughts, being placed as they should bee, on some divine and holy Subject, I should bee thereby the better disposed, unto the Fear of the Lord all the Day long. And that the passing of so many Truths, as would hereby pass thro' my Mind, would marvellously sanctify mee. The Text which I began withal, was, that in Zach. 13. 1.2 Whereon, the Head of my Meditations were cast into these three observations. "The Blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, is fitly compared unto a Fountain.

"This is an open Fountain.

"And, the End of it is, for the washing away of Sin, which is uncleanness."

This my Custome, I may explain, by giving one Instance more.

On the Following Sabbath.

"My Rising Thoughts were, on Isa. 56. 4.

3

"The Lord expresses the whole of Religion, under that Phrase, keep my Sabbaths.

"Tis true concerning both Persons and Peoples,

1 Cf. Parkman, Jesuits in North America, 146.

2"In that day there shall be a fountain opened to the house of David, and

to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, for sin and for uncleanness."

"For thus saith the Lord unto the eunuchs that keep my sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant."