conferred upon mee, and enlarged unto mee, in most sensible Answers to many Prayers! 1

1

3. How mercifully has the Lord upheld mee in His Work, notwithstanding my weak Head, and my vain Heart, which render mee the unfittest of most Men living for eminent Services?

4. How great and growing a Reputation has the Lord given unto mee, a most contemptible Creature, among His People!

5. What comfortable Provision has the Lord made for mee, as to my temporal and sæcular Condition; even to a Wonderment!

Think on these Things, O my Soul. Soak thyself in the Meditation of them.

To these Things, are to bee annexed,

The Smiles of God, upon my Father's Family; and upon the Town, and the Land, and the Congregation whereto I belonged.

But especially, the Life and Health of my dear Father, whom I may reckon among the richest of my Enjoyments. The Lord helped mee in returning of Praises unto His Name, on these Accounts.

II. As to my general Calling.

1. Hath not the Lord brought mee out of a natural Estate, into the Kingdome of His dear Son? Lett mee examine this, and as long as I live, lett mee feed on the Foretaste, and when I dy, lett mee come to the full Fruition of this Happiness.

2. Do I not most sensibly find the Lord Jesus Christ, in a strange, but a sweet Manner, with Acts of wonderful Wisdome, Goodness, Truth, carrying on the Interests of the Kingdome, which Hee hath begun in my Mind and Life!

1 "Blessed bee God also that hath untyed your tongue so as you are able without troublesome impediment in your speech to speak of the great things of the Gospel in great Congregations." Nathaniel Mather to Cotton Mather, March 8, 1681 [82] 4 Collections, VIII. 33.

And, what infinite Heaps of Mercy are contained in these two Particulars, my Hand cannot ever describe, or my Heart conceive. Lord! bring mee to Heaven, and then I shall know the Heighth, Depth, Length and Breadth, of what now passes all my Knowledge!

These matters, I also spread before the Lord, on my Knee, with my Praises for them.

In the close of the Day, I came to ponder,

What shall I now render to the Lord, for all His Benefits? And my Thoughts upon that Quæstion were,

I. Shall I not love the Lord, and bee fervent, constant, unwearied in the Service of Him? Especially in the Obligation of the Rules, which I wrote at the Beginning of this year, for my future Conversation?

II. Shall I not endeavour to shine by a good Exemple. Yea, and orally upon just Occasion, as well as practically alwayes, bear a Testimony against the Levity of the young Generation?

III. Shall I not, husband and redeem, what I can, the golden Hours, which I enjoy in the midst of so many smiling Providences? And prepare for Affliction too, with all Speed and Care?

IIII. Shall I not every Day, in every Capacity, Relation, Company, bee contriving, What can I now and here do for God? And lay myself out accordingly. Oh! that, oh! that, Oh! that, God would help mee, thus to do!

Thus I concluded the Day, ashamed of my Offerings, but relying on the Mediation of the Lord Jesus Christ, for the Acceptance of them.

19 d. 4 m. Lord's-Day. This Morning, my Heart was melted, in secret Prayer before the Lord, when I used these Words;

"Lord, I am in thy Hands, a poor, broken, sorry despicable Vessel. But it is with Thee, to make mee a Vessel of Honour. Oh! Do so! This, even this, is the greatest

of my Desires. I am worthy to bee Nothing forever. But Oh! Lett thy Name have Glory by mee. Thou art worthy to bee exalted forever and ever. Oh! Do these Things in mee, and for mee, and by mee, that upon my Account it may bee said, O the Power, the Wisdome, the Grace and the Truth of the great Jehovah! Lord, Thou art my Aim, and my All, and my exceeding great Reward.

Memorandum. About this Time I bought a Spanish Indian, and bestowed him for a Servant, on my Father. This Thing, I would not remember in this Place, but only because I would observe whether I do not hereafter see some special and signal Return of this Action, in the Course of my Life. I am secretly perswaded, that I shall do so!1

5 d. 5 m. [July.] The Sight of my multiplied Failings in every Capacity this Day fill'd mee with Disquietment and Indignation.

There were especially two Things that made mee very melancholy.

First, The strange Unaffectedness of my Heart, when thinking and speaking about the Things of God. Methinks, I am but a very Parrot in Religion!

Secondly, My Idleness, my Listlessness, my grievous Mispence of my precious and golden Hours.

The Lord helped mee to Address, my merciful Highpriest, for Help against the Plagues, that are thus upon mee. In Præparation, for a public Fast, kept thro' the Colony," I sett my self this Evening, to examine my

6 d. 5m.

1"Now see what I have recorded, in the Thirty Fourth year of my Life." In the margin. See under August 12, 1696.

2 The manuscript resolution for this fast, in the writing of Cotton Mather, is in the Mass. Archives, XI. 8. It passed the General Court May 30, 1681. “It being a Time, wherein God is calling for greater fervency and frequency in the most solemn seekings of God in the face of Jesus Christ, then wee have ordinarily had experience of; both with respect unto the deep Consultations of the Antichristian party who have been complotting the subversion of the true Christian protestant Religion, and in a more especial manner designing the destruction of the Lord's people in England, Scotland and Ireland; And in respect of ourselves, inasmuch as besides the particulars expressed in former Declarations of this Nation,

manifold Unanswerableness to the Engagements that ly upon mee. I did with Tears confess and bewayl my Miscarriages before the Lord; and at length, acting Faith in the Blood of the Lord Jesus Christ; I concluded with a comfortable Assurance, that my Sins were all pardoned, in that precious Blood.

The Day following, in Consideration, that Reformation was the great Voice heard among us, I resolved with God's help to study it;

I. In respect of Myself.

Renewing my Purpose penn'd the Beginning of this Year, and especially,

1. Labouring after a greater Sense of the Reality of Invisibles.

2. Labouring to improve my Time, with more Diligence, to more Advantage.

II. In respect of my Father's Family.

1. To make my Brothers and Sisters, as many as are capable thereof, to take their Bibles, when the Scripture is read Morning and Evening before Prayers; and attentively accompany the vocal Reader.

2. To gett my Sisters, as many of them as I can, to spend an Hour together every Day. Half of it, in writing and

which should awaken unto prayer; the Lord hath largely threatned as if Hee would call for a Drought upon the Land; And our present State is on other accounts awfully circumstanced; nor have wee any but the Lord our God to betake ourselves unto for Salvation; and him wee have many a Time found to be a God hearing prayer.

"Upon such considerations as these mentioned, this Court doth appoint the 7th of July next, to be observed as a day of public Humiliation throughout this Jurisdiction; hereby prohibiting all servile Labour upon that day; and earnestly exhorting the ministers of God, with all the Lord's Remembrancers, to lift up a prayer in this day of Rebuke and Trouble, and to wrestle with him in a speciall manner for his dear People in the Land of our Fathers' Sepulchres. To entreat also the Continuance of Divine favour towards us in these Ends of the Earth, that the Lord our God would bee pleased still to bless us with Peace, Health, Liberty, reserving for us the appointed weeks of Harvest, and ordering all things wherein wee are concerned, well for us, that so our Souls may render solemn Praises to his glorious Name."

half of it, in furnishing themselves with Knowledge about the Matters of Religion.

3. To sett a better Exemple of Seriousness and Gravity before them.

III. In respect of the Place where I am.

1. To pray frequently and fervently, for the Mending of what is amiss in it.

2. To contrive what I can, for its Welfare, and communicate my Contrivances to my Father, who can more properly and effectually putt in Execution.

About the Middle of this Month, I lost abundance of precious Time, thro' tormenting Pains in my Teeth and Jawes; which kind of Pains have indeed produced mee many a sad Hour, in my short Pilgrimage.

In the Pains that were now upon mee, I sett myself, as well as I could for my Pains, to search and try my Wayes. I considered,

I. Have I not sinned with my Teeth? How? By sinVful, graceless excessive Eating. And by evil Speeches, for there are Literæ dentales used in them?

II. This is an old Malady, from which I have yett been free, for a considerable while. Lett mee ask then; Have not I of late given way to some old Iniquity?

22 d. 5 m. This Evening as I was in Meditation, enquiring and contriving, how I might glorify God? I happened then to look thro' the Window upon the Heavens and this Thought was after a most powerful and refreshing Manner cast into my Mind. Surely, if the Lord intended not forever to glorify mee in Heaven, Hee would never have putt it into my Heart, that I should seek to glorify Him on Earth!

6 d. 6 m. [August.] 1681. Satureday. Tho' I had already spent one Day this Week in Fasting and prayer, with our Young men's Meeting, to whom I preached on Ps. 8. 4.1

1 The entry is obscure, being crowded in the writing. The fourth verse is "What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?”