thought, they came to mee, as if the Lord from Heaven had intended mee an Admonition for the Slothfulness, the Lukewarmness, the Formality, which I saw was of late grown upon mee, in the Wayes of God. And I hope, not without some Impression!

6 d. 4 m. This Day, a good Woman, bewayled unto mee her Condition, on the Score of woful Thoughts pestering her Mind; Shee told mee, shee was rendred afraid of her Condition, because I had lately given it as one Mark of an effectually called Person to have the Heart filled with New Thoughts.

These words of hers were blessed by God unto my own Awakening. For upon Reflection I found that I had of late been dog'd with, proud Thoughts, in almost all I did.

My Heart grew full of Distress, lest the unreasonable Pride, should provoke the God of Heaven, to deal terribly with mee.

And a Sermon preached this week, by my Father about the Sin of Pride, I thought, I heard and wrote as my own Condemnation. The Apprehensions of the cursed Pride, the Sin of young Ministers, lurking and working in my Heart, filled me with much Bitterness and Confusion, before the Lord; and caused mee to resolve, that before the week was out, I would sett apart a Day, to humble myself before God, for the Pride of my own Heart, and entreat that by His Grace, I may bee delivered from that Sin, and from all the dreadful' Wrath whereto I have been by that sin exposed.

Which accordingly, I attended.

II d. 4 m. This Day I sett apart, for Prayer, with Fasting before the Lord.

And I did endeavour to humble myself this Day, as for my Unprofitableness in every Relation and my other manifold Corruptions, thus especially for my PRIDE, with the several Manifestations of it.

Concerning my PRIDE, I examined myself, by all the Discoveries of it; but I found especially two Respects, wherein I was most wofully guilty before the Lord.

First, my Applauding of myself in my Thoughts, when I have done any Thing at all significant, pray'd or preach'd with enlargements, answered a Quæstion readily, presently, suitably, and the like. Proud Thoughts fly-blow my best Performances!

Next, my ambitious Affectation of Præheminencies, far above what can belong to my own Age or Worth, and above others that are far more deserving then myself.

For my Humiliation, I then wrote these Considerations.

"I. How do's my Pride render mee without the Image of God? It is indeed the very Image of Satan, on my Soul. The more any Man has of God in him, the more humble will hee bee and low and vile in his own Eyes, and empty of himself. When the Lord renewes His Image in us, Hee pulls downe our proud Thoughts. Tis true, my Pride is a most natural Sin. But Grace would overcome that in a most special Manner and Measure. And then how little Grace have I! How unlike am I to the Lord Jesus Christ, the Lowly one! Oh! Lett mee for this cause abhor myself in Dust and Ashes.

"II. Do I not, by my Pride, grievously offend the Lord? It is a Breach of His Holy Command: And how often does Hee declare His Abhorrence of it. (See Psal. 138. 6 and Prov. 6. 17. and Hab. 2. 4.) His Holy Spirit is thereby grieved; and how vehemently does the Scripture caution against all Tendencies thereunto! Shall I bear to think of offending that God, who has been a Father to mee, and whom I have chosen, and vow'd that I would love and serve, as my God? Or that Spirit, upon the sweet Influences whereof my Soul does live, sealed unto the Day of Redemption: Oh! the inexcusable Wickedness of my Heart!

"III. Is not my Pride a most unreasonable Folly and Madness? Have I any just Occasion for glorying in myself? Do I any thing Singular? Am not I in most Attainments exceeded by most of my Calling and Standing? But, oh! lett this bee a Dagger to my Heart! Have I not a cursed Nature in mee? And has not the Lord heretofore justly left mee unto some abominable Iniquities, the Sense whereof should cause mee to walk softly all my Dayes! Lord, I am viler than a

Beast before Thee! Or, why should I seek Honour? Am I fitt for any Service? Or, am I not rather unsavoury Salt, fitt for nothing but the Dunghill? What am I better than the least of Saints? If in any external Grandeurs I gett above them, I am thereby obnoxious to more Temptation and Sin, and Wrath. Ly then in the Dust, before God, O my Soul!

"IV. How dangerous, How destructive, an Evil is this Pride of Mine! I provoke the God of Heaven to take away every one of those Idols, which in my fond Pride I dote upon; and if the Lord should now deprive mee of my Capacities and my Opportunities, where am I, but in an horrid Pitt of most unpittyable Miseries! Yea, lett me remember, Pride sooner than any thing will drive away the good Spirit of God from the Heart of a poor Creature. And if that should bee my Fate, Oh! Lord have mercy! What a Monument should I bee, of thy ireful and thy direful Vengeance!

"O that the Lord would sett home these Thoughts, for my Humiliation!

"But what shall I do for the Cure of my Disease?

"I. In the first and cheef Place, I would carry my distempered Heart, unto the Lord Jesus Christ, and putt it into the Hands of that Alsufficient Physician, for him to cure it.

"II. I would bee daily watchful against my Pride; and continually keep an Eye upon my Heart and check the very Beginnings and first Motions of the.Corruption.

"III. I Would study much, the Nature, Manner, and Aggravations of this Evil, and the Excellency of the Grace that is contrary thereunto."

In the Supplications, which this Day I spread before the Lord, I was not without His Assistances. Especially, when I was crying unto the Lord, about and against, my Lust of Pride, which had this Day brought mee, unto the Dust.

In one Prayer, I said,

'Lord, What shall I do for the Cure of this Disease, my Pride? Blessed bee thy Name, that thou hast show'd mee a Way, and bid mee walk in it. Have I not heard thee saying to my stung and swoln and sinful Soul, Oh! look and bee saved! And therefore, by thy Grace, I'l do it. I have done it, and found, yea, to this Day I find, the Benefit of it. Why is it, that I am not insensibly and incureably

forever carried away Captive, by the Lust, which I am now warring with? Tis because I had putt my Heart into the Hands of the Faithful Jesus; and Hee it is that hath not suffered mee to go on unconcerned about the Distemper of my Soul, but hath awakened mee to seek Releef at His Hands, as I do this Day. And now; Lord, I come unto Him. Hee sees how I am labouring and heavy-laden, but Hee has bid mee come. Do's not He call for my Heart? But what kind of Heart? It is not mention'd, but I am sure, tis my Heart, that is called for. Hence, tho' my Heart, bee a proud Heart, yett as long as tis mine, I am to bring it. Yea, O Lord, I bring it, because it is proud. And wherefore, doth Hee call for it? Is it not that Hee may sett up His Kingdome in it, and fill it with His Graces, and manifest the Power of His rich Goodness in it forever? Oh! then, lett Him take my Heart, and make it humble! Tis easy, with Him to do it. Tho' I can't overcome this Pride of mine, yett Hee can do it. Oh! Lett Him do it; I wait upon Him for it; yea I do beleeve, I am satisfied and assured that Hee will do it. I have not sought thy Face in Vain!"

And in some of my further Prayers, the Lord, gave mee glorious Assurances, that Hee would never leave the Works which Hee had begun in my Soul, but fill mee with His own most Holy Spirit and guide mee by His Counsel, til Hee brought mee to His Glory.

And, that Hee would uphold mee graciously in my Ministry, yea, that Hee would employ mee to do peculiar Services for His blessed Name.

18 d. 4 m. As the last Week, I kept a Day of Supplication, so I was desirous this Week to keep a Day of Thanksgiving, in secret Places before the Lord.

I never knew of any person, or heard of more than one Person,1 who did accustome themselves unto such an Exercise. But the Good Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ, having taken Possession of my sinful Heart, I became inclined and instructed, unto such Methods of Religion, as were now before mee.

I was now taught of God, thus to spend this Day.

1My Grandfather Cotton (In the margin). John Cotton (1585-1652), whose daughter, Maria, married Increase Mather.

I. To recollect the merciful Dispensations of God unto

mee.

II. To consider the Aggravations of those Mercies, in the Greatness and the Freeness of them.

III. To register them in my Memorials.

IV. To acknowledge them in my Devotions.

And V. To contrive what Returns I should make by way of Gratitude unto the Lord.

Accordingly; after Prayers for Assistance, I meditated over, the former Kindnesses of the Lord unto mee, which I have already recorded in my former Manuscripts; and returned my most hearty and solemn Thanks unto the Lord on the Account thereof.

Especially, my Soul was moved, when saying, "Lord, Hast thou not pull'd mee out of the horrible Pitt, and awakened mee to look after the Lord Jesus Christ, with a Sight of my Misery without Him? Hast thou not helped mee to come unto my Lord-Redeemer and feel the begun and blessed Benefit thereof, in His Healing of mee, when my Soul has been endangered by Diseases that had been undiscovered? Whose Works are those that have been done upon my Soul? Have I done those great Things on my own behalf? Oh Lord, Not unto mee, Not unto mee, but unto thy Name is all, all, all the Glory due; and thou shalt have it. There shall Hallelujahs bee sung to Thee forever and

ever.

The Forenoon being spent in these things, in the Afternoon I proceeded unto the later Kindnesses of God unto mee in my later Experiences. Here I saw, besides my Life and Health, and outward Comforts continued still unto mee,

I. As to my particular Calling,

1. How wonderful is the Goodness of God unto mee, a vile Worm, in that Hee does employ mee, in the Ministry of the glorious Lord Jesus Christ!

2. How Miraculous a Thing is the Freedom of Speech,